Tony and Carmela found out that Meadow’s soccer coach had been having sex with Meadow’s friend and soccer teammate. This was the same guy they initially thought was the greatest; Tony had used bribery and intimidation to get him to stay on as coach. After the discovery of his sexual abuse, Tony and the guys decided to kill him. To these men abusing a minor girl violated every code in their article. At first no one (except Meadow) had any objections to Tony taking action. Then Tony talked to Dr. Melfi about this situation, and she recommended letting the judicial system punish the coach. More important, she asked Tony why he "always has to be the one to set things right."
TONY ON THE IMPORTANCE OF ANALYZING THE RAMIFICATIONS OF A HIT
"I don’t want to create confusion and insubordination."
Tony was still hell-bent on killing the coach until Artie questioned the advisability of this action. He talked about how killing the coach was wrong and that the only thing it would accomplish would be making them feel better. Tony ended up getting drunk and decided not to go through with the hit.
This is a great example of why it’s often not wise to make decisions purely on emotion. I’ve seen too many top executives embark on programs, policies, and strategies out of anger, pride, and envy. They’ve made emotional decisions despite the advice of others that they were making bad decisions. Caught up in their emotional momentum, they were either too stubborn to listen or too convinced of the rightness of their position to attach much credence to what others had to say. To his credit, Tony listened.
What we can learn from this decision:
- Solicit and reflect on a few other opinions before deciding. Even if you’re convinced you’re right and that you know exactly what needs to be done, ask a trusted advisor or two for their input, especially in the heat of battle. People who are under pressure and dealing with emotional issues can be convinced they know what to do, but their reasoning may be flawed because of this pressure and emotion. Ideally, you’ll solicit more than one other opinion and data from several sources. If only Dr. Melfi or only Artie had told Tony that killing the coach was wrong, he probably would have gone ahead with it. It was the accumulated weight of their separate but concurring opinions that caused him to reconsider his decision. I’m not suggesting that you make all your decisions based on the majority opinion or that you delay decisions to gather opinions from five or ten difference sources. In certain instances, though, it pays to hear what other people have to say and to be sure you are comfortable with the amount of data you have.
- Expend your emotional energy before you act. Tony diminished some of his anger and desire for vengeance by talking about what a terrible thing the coach had done. Of course, he didn’t say, "That was a terrible thing the coach did," preferring his more colorful and crude North Jersey mode of expression. The key, though, was talking about how he felt. In doing so, his actions were no longer completely determined by his emotions. He gave himself a little room to breathe and think. Getting drunk, too, helped dissipate his anger. While I’m not advocating alcohol as a decision-making tool, I do believe that many leaders would make wiser decisions if they expressed their feelings about a situation before making an irrevocable decision.