Although when we first met Tony he was already in therapy and we had not been privy to the process that Tony went through to reach this decision, we can speculate how he made this choice based on his conversations with Dr. Melfi. Clearly, this was the type of tough decision that all leaders struggle with at some point in their careers. While all business leaders aren’t deciding about therapy (at least I’m assuming most of them aren’t), they do face equally challenging choices that cause them sleepless nights. That’s because these decisions require that they set precedents and break with tradition, enduring scorn and ridicule in the process. They’re afraid that their choices might make them appear weak or somehow suspect in the eyes of others.
Tony had to violate the mob’s taboo against talking about family business with outsiders. He said to Dr. Melfi, "In my world, this does not go down." He literally risked his life by going into therapy. Just as significantly, Tony had to overcome a cultural taboo against therapy. The old-world Italian culture dictated against seeking help from outsiders—there’s the belief that "we can handle things ourselves." Actually, this is a cultural edict found in many ethnic groups; Asians in this country can be distrustful about calling in outsiders such as the police, preferring to deal with problems themselves. Perhaps even more significantly, Tony was not raised in a family where talking about your feelings was encouraged. In fact, the machismo code of conduct calls for hiding your feelings.
When leaders make the decision to break with tradition and risk censure, they usually have conducted a thorough and thoughtful risk analysis and determined that the risk is worth it. In Tony’s case, he decided that it was worth risking his life rather than experience more panic attacks. This decision also says quite a bit about the strength of Tony’s character and the amount of self-confidence he has. When word gets out that he’s seeing a shrink, he did not shy away from his decision but confronted his crew with the facts. He didn’t apologize or rationalize his decision, as some leaders do when they’re second-guessed by others they work with. Instead, he clearly communicated that it’s the right thing for him to do and that it won’t affect the business.
What we can learn from this decision:
- It’s worth enduring short-term negative responses to a decision if the long-term gain is significant. Given the short-term mentality in many organizations, leaders have difficulty justifying this type of decision to themselves. Yet as Tony has discovered, the long-term rewards of therapy have been worth the price he’s paid. While he no doubt was uncomfortable talking about this issue with his guys, Tony realized that if he didn’t go to therapy, he would probably crack up or at least be functioning well below his capacity. A similar decision in an organization might involve downsizing to ensure the future viability of the company. In the short run, this downsizing leader will feel the heat both internally and externally. In the long run, though, this move might help the company become more financially stable and able to avoid a more significant downsizing in the future.
- It’s important to possess sufficient power and influence to weather the fallout from this type of decision. When you turn your back on tradition and invite criticism, you need to be prepared for criticism that at best can make you feel lousy and at worst can cost you your job. Therefore, before making the decision, determine whether you’re really in a position to go against the grain. Do you have enemies within the organization who will use this decision to ensure your ouster? Do you have powerful supporters who may disagree with your decision but will back you nonetheless? Answering these types of questions will help you determine if now is the time to decide. You may need to wait until you accumulate sufficient power and influence before making this choice.