How to Put Tony’s Approach into Your Own Words
The goal here isn’t to duplicate Tony’s language and style as much as it is to derive inspiration from it. Obviously, you can’t use the f-word in every other sentence or threaten your people with death and dismemberment if they don’t meet objectives (though in certain moments, this may be exactly what you feel like doing). Instead, you want to take Tony’s directness, empathy, clarity, and adaptability and make it your own.
The following exercise is designed to help you achieve this goal. I’ve taken some common business situations and suggested what Tony might say if he worked for your company and found himself in these situations. I’ve followed that with what someone who is indirect, unempathetic, vague, and inflexible might say in these situations. Your job is to find a middle ground that draws inspiration from Tony but scales back his extreme language and actions. After each set of two quotes, write your Tony-inspired quote—what you would say if you possessed Tony’s chutzpah (we’ve supplied a sample quote for you just for the first situation).
Situation #1
You just promoted a highly valued direct report to a new job but the salary approved by your boss is $14,000 less than that of the person who was previously in the position and $10,000 less than that of a comparable position in another division.
What Tony would say. This is bullshit. I know you were paying Joe $74,000 when he was in that job, and I know that Mary is being paid $70,000 for doing the same thing in another division. What are you trying to pull you son of a bitch?
What the Un-Tony would say. I don’t mean to complain, but I wonder if this is really fair. Please don’t misunderstand me. I recognize that you’re under pressure to keep down costs, so if I’m out of line, please tell me, but if it’s at all possible—and it may not be—I hope you’ll consider increasing the salary by $14,000. Of course, if that’s too much, than any increase would be much appreciated.
What you would say. Look, do you want to risk losing someone who has helped our team exceed its goals by more than 20 percent over the past two years? Because if I’m forced to offer him the salary you’re proposing, he’s going to be insulted and look for a job, and I wouldn’t blame him. To avoid that possibility, we need to give him a sizable increase—at least $10,000.
Situation #2
You hear from a colleague in another group that one of your direct reports, Julio, has been criticizing your leadership style behind your back. He’s been complaining to the CEO that you’ve lost the respect of some members of your team because you’ve been pushing them too hard without putting in the same amount of time yourself.
What Tony would say. Julio, I’ve been hearing that you have a problem with me, that you went to the CEO to complain about how I’ve been running my group. Do you understand how that doesn’t sit right with me? Maybe this will help you understand. What if I went to the CEO and told him how you and Norma in accounting have been seeing each other? Considering his policy—not to mention the fact that you’re married to the CEO’s fuckin’ sister—I don’t think it would go over real well. So why don’t you just tell the CEO you heard wrong and next time you feel the urge to spill your guts, you come to me first.
What the Un-Tony would say. Julio, I was disturbed to hear that you said something negative about me to the CEO. Perhaps I have it wrong and it wasn’t negative at all—and if that’s the case, I apologize—but perhaps we can talk about it? It may have been unintentional, but if the comments were indeed negative, I’m concerned about the effect it will have on my career. I also trust that in the future, you’ll come to me first with any problems before you go to the CEO.
What would you say?
Situation #3
You’re attempting to renegotiate terms with a key supplier and you want to impress on them the concept of partnering. From your end, that means that you’ll make them your exclusive supplier, resulting in a greater sales volume. From their end, it means being more flexible and responsive when your company needs something. You sense they’re reluctant to enter into this partnership arrangement and you need to convince them that it’s a good idea.
What Tony would say. Look, I understand your concerns. You’re thinking, Is this going to mean more work and less money for us; how do we know you’ll keep your word? You don’t. But we don’t know if you’ll keep your word to be more responsive and flexible. It’s a matter of trust. So I’m asking you: Do you trust me? ‘Cause if you do, then you’ve got nothing to worry about.
What the Un-Tony would say. Please consider our proposition with the utmost seriousness. It’s tremendously important for our organization to establish partnering relationships with our vendors. It will allow us to achieve our goals as a knowledge company. This isn’t some idea that we just came up with but the result of over a year of planning and study. We know these partnering relationships are the wave of the future, and we’re extending you an invitation to be part of that future.
What would you say?