As a general rule, the more powerful the leader, the less willing he is to accept feedback. CEOs, for instance, tend to have more difficulty receiving and reflecting on feedback than younger, less senior leaders. This makes perfect sense, for CEOs rightly feel that they’ve been at it longer and doing it better than others, and they trust their instincts because these instincts have carried them so far. It’s not that they don’t trust others; it’s simply that they have so much faith in their own ability to get things done.
Tony is this type of CEO, but unlike most top executives, Tony invites and evaluates a constant flow of responses to what he does and says. Lou Gerstner, former CEO of IBM, was known to ask for feedback from everyone, including people he was riding with on the elevator. Tony maximizes the value of this process by:
- Asking questions about the feedback of himself and others
- Absorbing the feedback and not responding to it immediately
The former method allows Tony to filter the feedback through his own analysis and the analysis of those whose opinions he values. For instance, in the show’s third season, Artie decides to supplement the income from his restaurant with a little shylocking. He makes a loan to his hostess’s brother who wants to finance a French liqueur distributorship in the United States. The brother fails to pay up and Artie stumbles in his attempt to collect his money even after threatening to "break the brother’s knees." Tony ends up assuming the loan, and as partial payment, Tony strikes a deal with Artie to eat at Artie’s restaurant for free. Artie gives Tony some tough feedback about this experience. He suggests that Tony knew this would be the outcome, insinuating that he might have even planned it. More specifically, Artie tells Tony, "You can see 20 moves ahead. Your mind goes through all the permutations . . . the worst case was you eat for free."
Later, Tony asks Dr. Melfi, "Am I that kind of person?" This feedback upset Tony, for he did not perceive himself as so crassly manipulative, especially when friends such as Artie were involved. From his perspective, he was simply trying to help Artie. Tony questions himself and others. He seriously wonders if he was unconsciously trying to gain from Artie’s loss. After all, this was his strategy when he allowed Dave, the owner of the sporting goods store, to play in the executive card game. Tony knew that if Dave lost big in the game, the store would be his. Nonetheless, Tony doesn’t like to picture himself as a deceiver of friends. Whether Tony chooses to change his behavior isn’t the issue, it’s that the feedback that Artie has given him "tees up" the option for him to consider. It allows him to be a self-aware leader, which will help him make decisions without being overly influenced by his inner demons.
Tony’s ability to absorb negative feedback without blowing up or engaging the person who supplied the feedback in rancorous debate is astonishing. For someone with Tony’s power and his bad temper, this self-control is admirable. No doubt, it’s what encourages so many people in his life to tell him the truth and be honest about what’s bothering them. After Tony calls Vin (the gambler and FBI police detective who owes Pussy a great deal of money) a "degenerate gambler with a badge," Vin gives Tony some feedback: "You have an amazing ability to sum up a man’s whole life in a single sentence." Tony just shrugs his shoulders and continues on.
Richie Aprile is another guy who does not hold his tongue in Tony’s presence. Richie believes that Tony has disrespected him ever since he has been released from prison; that Tony owes him greater respect because he is a made man. After a dispute during the executive card game, Richie tells Tony, "I’m getting sick of this holier-than-thou act and I’m not the only one." After Tony eggs him on with, ". . . well if anyone wants to make a move," Richie comes right back with, "Don’t get so fuckin’ dramatic. Sometimes you act like you’re in a different business." Again, Tony just shrugs off this insulting comment. He refuses to become defensive or berate Richie. As a result, Richie and others in the room are encouraged to speak their minds in the future.
TONY ON OFFERING HONEST EXPLANATIONS IN RESPONSE TO MISTAKES MADE
"I have no defense, that’s how I was parented."