Leaders sometimes fail to say what they really mean, but Tony doesn’t mince words. When his people are going offtrack and he wants to get them back on course, he’s brilliant at letting them have it with both barrels—in the figurative sense most of the time. Remarkably, Tony isn’t heavy-handed when he talks straight to his people, in large part because of his superb timing and great specificity.
TONY ON TELLING IT LIKE IT IS
"I hate the way you fuckin’ make me ride you."
In one scene, Tony and Christopher are in Christopher’s car, and Tony is aware that Christopher has been experiencing an identity crisis of sorts. A current federal investigation has resulted in media stories in which other members of the crew are mentioned, but Christopher’s name has not been included. He is concerned that he is not achieving his career goals and as a result of his fears, he has been acting out. Tony calls him on his behavior, telling him, "We’ve been under a microscope and I gotta hear on the street that you shot some fuckin’ civilian in the foot because you had to wait for buns." Christopher tries to make an excuse, but Tony tells him to shut up. Tony then goes on to say that "Georgie (an associate in Christopher’s crew) has vomit on his shirt . . . because you were digging up some body that you clipped three months ago." Christopher again tries to make an excuse and Tony tells him to shut up. Tony finishes with, "People do that shit because they want to get caught . . . I’ve seen it before . . . it’s cowboyitus . . . you want to be a big bad boy."
Perhaps you think Tony was being overly harsh as a coach? Obviously, using obscenities and telling direct reports to shut up aren’t coaching techniques I’d recommend (at least in most circumstances). Remember, though, that Tony is coaching in a different context than you or me, and he’s simply relying on the language of his culture. Try and look past this and recognize why his coaching was so effective in this instance. He was not using a five-step model to deliver feedback to Christopher. Tony recognized the importance of getting through to Christopher quickly and clearly, aware of the danger of letting Christopher’s issues simmer. It took Tony no more than three sentences to drive home his point. Tony also spoke in specifics; his graphic language and referencing key incidents ensured that Christopher grasped that these were the facts and there was no denying them. Though Tony’s refusal to listen to excuses violates empathic listening rules, it was a necessary violation. Christopher understood that he had made a mistake, and Tony wanted to hold Christopher accountable for this error. The situation was cut-and-dried, and Tony didn’t want Christopher to think that he could somehow weasel his way out of the mistake. As a coach, Tony wanted to impress Christopher that his behavior was unacceptable, and the best way to demonstrate this fact was through direct, unambiguous language.