As you’re reading this, you may be having trouble reconciling Tony’s aggressiveness with the notion of a good coach. While instilling fear is one of Tony’s coaching techniques and he does have a tendency to be less than effusive (which especially bothers Christopher), Tony also knows who he’s coaching. He recognizes that his direct reports are hard-edged, tough criminals who require a certain amount of intimidation; it goes with the territory. When you coach, you need to know your audience. Leaders learn that a group of young, cutting-edge techies needs to be coached differently than a group of veteran salespeople does. Tony’s intimidating style works with his crew because they accept this style as integral to being a boss, and they also know that they can fight back (within limits) when Tony loses his temper and not be punished for it. They also are aware that Tony will eventually cool down and be willing to listen to reason.
Because no coach is perfect, you can expect to make mistakes when dealing with your people. You’re going to say and do the wrong things when coaching people, but if you’ve talked straight with them, clarified your expectations, and explained what’s needed to get ahead, they’ll forgive your errors and remain coachable. These three coaching strengths will teach people that you can be counted on. When you’re trying to coach a direct report in a crisis situation or when she’s facing a major career decision, you know that she’ll rely on you for direction and support. Who were Paulie and Christopher waiting for to save them when they were lost in the woods in the "Pine Barrens" episode? When Christopher becomes a made man, Tony tells him, "You bring your problems to Tony, he will solve them."
Part of being an effective coach is getting your people to rely on you when they’re in trouble, to come to you for help rather than wait for you to see problems and intervene. Tony’s crew may be afraid of their boss, but they’re not afraid to ask him for help.
To help you coach in an imperfectly effective way, do the following:
Describe the general characteristics of the people you’re coaching:
- Are they tough as nails or soft as marshmallows?
- Are they Young Turks or old traditionalists?
- Are they highly ambitious or more interested in maintaining the status quo?
- Do they have thick skins or are they vulnerable types?
Given the general characteristics of your people, try to tailor your coaching style to these characteristics; determine how tough you can be, how much one-on-one coaching they’ll tolerate, and so on. Though each person has his or her own issues and needs to be handled somewhat differently, they all possess certain general traits that can guide your coaching efforts.
Assess honestly whether your people readily come to you in times of trouble. If they do, great. If not, you need to focus your coaching efforts on being straight with them, clarifying expectations and establishing promotion criteria.
List your weaknesses as a coach. Here are some common weaknesses:
- Unwilling to confront poor performance
- Difficulty dealing with personality conflicts
- Poor listening skills
- Lack of knowledge about an area relevant to coachee’s problem
- Lack of skill in assessing performance
- Finding certain types of direct reports difficult to coach
- Missing the authority to help direct reports solve a problem or take advantage of an opportunity
- Being too critical
- Struggling to offer positive feedback
- Putting the needs of the coachee first
Create at least two "resources" who can supplement your coaching, based on your weaknesses. They can be peers, bosses, or outside coaches. The key is to fill in your coaching blanks with these two people.