When is the last time your people criticized something you did or said?
If they do say something negative to you, are you likely to take their heads off?
When you receive feedback, do you take the time and clear the emotional space to reflect on it objectively and deeply?
Most leaders respond that people don’t usually criticize them; that they did indeed bark at someone when they said something that opposed their point of view; and that they often let negative or disturbing information go in one ear and out the other because they don’t give it much credence.
Making the transition to a more feedback-friendly stance takes a little bit of time and effort. In fact, Tony over the course of the shows seems to have gradually become more responsive to feedback, in part because of his sessions with Dr. Melfi who has encouraged his growing self-awareness. In addition, failure often makes people more receptive to feedback; it creates self-doubt in leaders who previously had no doubts, and they become more willing to listen to what others have to say to them.
To help you build an environment in which people are willing to level with you and you’re willing to treat their information and ideas seriously, I’ve created the following four approaches:
A FEW SMALL, EASY-TO-TAKE ACTIONS CAN GET THE FEEDBACK ROLLING IN:
- At the next meeting you lead, ask someone you trust to observe you during the meeting and note things you did well and things that, as Tony might say, you fucked up. After the meeting ask him to tell you what he observed. If he is not immediately forthcoming about areas for improvement, use Tony’s technique of persistent questioning. Ask him: "Are you sure there isn’t something?" or "Remember when I ________, how do you think that went over?" You may not receive a lot of feedback the first time, but that leads to the second step.
- At the next presentation you give, repeat step #1.
- At home, ask a family member what’s one thing she would like you to do differently.
AFTER YOU GET USED TO THIS PROCESS, TAKE SOME BIGGER STEPS:
- At the next meeting or presentation where your boss is present, let him know beforehand that you would like him to give you feedback on how you did.
- If you are not sure how you are doing at work or if you have not received feedback lately from your boss, tell her that you would like to schedule some time to talk with her about your performance. Once you are in the meeting, focus on things you are doing well and things that need improvement. If your boss is not that forthcoming, ask her what the one thing is that she would like you to do differently.
- If you have never had a performance review from your boss, ask for one. Every company usually has a process for this but many employees don’t take advantage of it.
- In individual meetings with your direct reports, do as former New York City Mayor Ed Koch would do and ask, "How am I doing?"
START COLLECTING FEEDBACK IN A MORE STRUCTURED WAY THROUGH A 360-DEGREE FEEDBACK INSTRUMENT:
The 360-degree feedback instruments (forms) are favorite tools because individuals can obtain anonymous written feedback from bosses, peers, subordinates, and customers. Because the forms are anonymous, there is little fear of reprisal.
- Expect to experience some shock and anger when you review the feedback forms. Tell yourself this reaction is normal, as is telling yourself something along the lines of "But I’m trying my hardest and my intentions are pure!" Don’t act on your impulse to find out who said what and seek retribution; this impulse will pass. Come to terms with the fact that you’re not perfect, and that there are some areas in which people would like you to change.
- Identify the five items with the highest scores and the five with the lowest scores on the feedback form.
- On a flip chart under the heading of strengths, list the top five items. Under the heading of areas for improvement, list the five with the lowest scores.
- Call your direct reports together for a meeting. First, thank them for taking the time to complete the feedback forms. Tell them that you learned a lot from the data and that you truly want to improve your leadership. The purpose of this meeting is to share your feedback with them, allowing them to provide more details and to share your action plan for improvement. Let them know that you will not ask them who said what. Your aim is not retribution but improvement. Begin by discussing your top five scores, your strengths. Ask them for comments and specifics. Feel free to expand on what you learned about your strengths. What was consistent with how you see yourself? What surprised you? Next, share your five lowest scores. Take each item and disclose what it means to you and what you learned about yourself from the item. If you are really feeling brave, ask them what else they would add. Last, share any preliminary ideas or actions that you will take. Ask your people what else they would like you to do. If you don’t think your people will be forthcoming or comfortable discussing these issues in your presence (which is a problem in and of itself), tell them you will leave the room. In your absence, they should generate a list of things they would like you to do differently. After they have completed this, come back and ask one of them to explain what they came up with. Commit to those actions that you feel you can implement. Whichever approach you take, thank the group again for their time. Let them know your plan and time line to follow up with them and ask how you are progressing. You can use the same process with your peers, either in a group setting or one-on-one.
Three to six months later, call the group together (or send out a survey via e-mail) to follow up:
Comments:
TAKE IT TO TONY’S LEVEL.
- Call your group together over a lunch of pizza or spaghetti
- Tell them they have 20 minutes and only 20 minutes, now, to your face (not to each other or to other people) to let you know everything you are doing wrong and everything they want you to do differently. Tell them this is their chance to get all their gripes, great ideas, and provocative points out in the open. If you think it will help, tell them that they won’t get any pizza or spaghetti unless they talk straight. At the end of 20 minutes, let them know what you are willing to commit to changing. Do this every few months.