Even though he is involved in illegal and basically immoral activities, Tony not only justifies his actions but also takes pride in them and sees "our thing" as serving a higher purpose. During Tony’s discussions with Dr. Melfi, his belief in the rightness of his work comes through. She frequently challenges him about the business he’s in and why he persists in being a criminal. His response demonstrates that he views what he does in a broader context than most people, that he sees it as something noble and even heroic. He told Dr. Melfi about the Italian immigrants who "took what they wanted." He went on to say that the immigrants "… weren’t educated like the Americans. But we had the balls to take what we wanted." He talked further about how it was J. P. Morgan and the other bankers who were the real crooks.
If Tony didn’t have a strong belief about what he did for a living and if he didn’t value his work, his magnetism would diminish. He sees the Soprano family as part of a larger plan and having a higher purpose than just making money. Building a cohesive family based on trust and loyalty is the underpinning of Tony’s ideology. Tony engenders so much respect from his people because of his unswerving belief in these higher values.
For example, when Christopher cavorts with Hollywood screenwriters and is being drawn into their world and away from the family, Tony senses that Christopher is forgetting who his real family is and what it stands for. At a party at Tony’s house, Tony turns to Christopher and tells him that if he is not back in ten minutes, he should not return, adding that if he does come back, he will assume "that you have no other desire than to be with me and your actions will show me that every day." This belief-driven statement is far more charismatic than if Tony had said, "You better get back here in ten minutes. If you do, great, things will be fine."
At the ceremony when Christopher becomes a made man, Tony makes it clear that from now on, Christopher’s loyalty is to the family. Everyone and everything else is secondary. He conveys that what’s important to him—and what should be paramount to Christopher—are the codes of honor, family, and loyalty. In his way, Tony is a devout man, but his religion is his crime family and the tradition and beliefs that come with it.
When Tony becomes upset with Ralph for killing Tracee, a stripper, it isn’t just because Ralph has done something stupid. In Tony’s eyes, Ralph has violated the family’s code. He has killed without purpose. Murdering someone—especially a woman—for no reason struck Tony as disrespectful not just of him, but of the organization and its values. Tony’s antipathy toward Ralph is less because he’s a killer and more because he’s a killer who tramples on their family’s shared values.
In 100 different ways, Tony communicates his fierce belief in these values. For most of his crew, Tony’s devout nature is inspirational. He is like a religious leader for he seems to believe more fervently and know the beliefs better than anyone else. He has tapped into the essence of what the family is all about, and this elevates Tony in their eyes. Though this comparison may seem a stretch, Tony and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. share the same eloquence about and passion for their "causes." That Dr. King’s cause was significantly more noble than Tony’s isn’t the issue here. Both recognize that if a leader doesn’t believe completely in what he is doing, he can’t expect others to believe and follow.
Assuming you have strong beliefs and values relating to your organization and the work you do, you need to communicate this with consistency, clarity, and conviction. Here are some ways you can do so and tap into one source of Tony’s charisma as a leader:
- Write a description of what you stand for as a leader. Why should your direct reports follow you? Are you driven to help your people grow and develop? Do you believe leaders should lead with equal amounts of compassion and authority? What are you passionate about in your organization; what in its tradition, culture, and approach to business do you want to uphold and pass on to others?
- List three ways you can translate what you stand for as a leader into words and actions. For instance, if you stand for "delivering results with integrity," one action you might list is "forming partnerships with vendors where we don’t take unfair advantage of our position as the customer." The three things you list can be small actions or statements. One item on the list may be to talk to direct reports about how you don’t want them to cross any ethical lines to meet performance goals; how you’d rather have them fail to meet these goals and maintain the ethical standards you’ve set.
- Practice putting at least one of these listed items into action. This may feel awkward at first. You may not be used to allowing your people, your customers, or your suppliers see your underlying values and beliefs. Motivate yourself with the image of Tony defending his belief in the mob culture to the death. If he can speak passionately about murder and mayhem, surely you can talk about results and integrity.