Followers want a leader who expresses optimism, not doubt. There is something magical about a leader who radiates optimism and certainty that goals can be achieved. People want to work hard for this leader, convinced that their work won’t be in vain. Tony is self-confident without being arrogant (at least most of the time). While this is a tough balance to achieve, Tony manages it, in part because he is so genuine that no one thinks that he’s putting on airs. While Tony is tremendously self-assured about his own ideas and opinions, he also solicits other people’s ideas and opinions and acts as if he really wants to hear them. When someone does a good job, he doesn’t try and take credit for it; he’s willing to acknowledge the hard work and insight of others. Unlike some leaders, Tony isn’t so insecure that he feels compelled to remind everyone how good he is at his job. Most of the time, he lets his track record and the results he generates speak for themselves.
Though charisma is created from confidence, it’s diminished by doubt. Tony rarely shows self-doubt, despite major setbacks, problems, and snafus. When Tony receives word that federal indictments were going to be announced soon that could wreak havoc in his organization, he doesn’t panic. Instead, he encourages his people to focus on what they need to do to be productive and to proactively do their "spring cleaning." When it looked like Tony might be arrested and charged with murder, he doesn’t betray any fear or doubt. Even when it looks like he might do some time for the illegal airline tickets that he gave to his mother, Tony remains optimistic.
In religion and politics, charismatic individuals walk through the streets and people are frantic to touch them. It’s as if their wisdom and power might somehow rub off on those lucky enough to get close to them. The same is true of highly confident leaders. When times get tough, other people draw sustenance from them, and this quality adds to their charisma. Christopher frequently looks to Tony to boost him up when he’s down, and Tony obliges, offering stories or even a few empathetic words to get Christopher back on track. When Gigi takes on the crew leadership and talks about all the stress he’s under, Tony expresses confidence in his leadership and tells him he is doing a good job. Though Tony has high expectations for all his people, he also is confident that they can deliver on these expectations. More often than not, he pats them on the back and reassures them that they can meet the goals that have been set.
Competence forms the foundation of an individual’s self-confidence and how he is perceived. It’s not enough to look the part; you need the knowledge and skills to back it up. Without competence, even the most glib and eloquent leader eventually proves to be a fraud. What seems to be charisma turns out to be nothing more than flamboyance. Followers want a leader who knows what he’s doing. The stories of how Tony’s expertise helped him rise through the ranks are legendary. Tony is a great earner in large part because he’s a great idea man; he is skilled at creating novel moneymaking schemes. The HMO and HUD scams were Tony’s inventions. He is an out-of-the-box thinker, and his people love the excitement and daring of his schemes. Tony is competent not only because of his consistently profitable ideas but because he’s never been to prison. His skill at avoiding jail is much admired by his crew and inspires them to take risks they might not otherwise take.
Tony’s authenticity goes hand in hand with competence and confidence. Without his genuine quality, Tony is just another smart mob boss. With it, he’s not only smart but special. It separates him from the mob. Watch how Tony maintains eye contact when he speaks with someone. When he has something important to say to an individual, that person feels like he’s been singled out for special attention. His whole body language conveys his genuine interest and attention. When he’s engaged in an important conversation, he moves closer to the other person, his gestures are more animated, and his voice and gaze grow more intense. Tony also asks a lot of questions, more than most leaders are willing to ask (for fear of showing they don’t know everything). And, finally, Tony knows how to have fun. Many leaders feel they must preserve their dignity by remaining aloof; they don’t go with the troops to have a drink or watch a sporting event or attend a party. Tony is more than willing to let his hair down. He likes nothing better than a good time, and his crew appreciates his willingness to be "one of them." With Tony, what you see is what you get.
TONY ON ACKNOWLEDGING FAILURE
"I know what happened was wrong. I’m an asshole. It won’t happen again."
There are numerous examples of Tony’s down-to-earth nature. When he is helping AJ change a tire, AJ suggests that Tony call the auto club and Tony replies, "We change tires in this household." His next-door neighbor, Dr. Cusamano, and his friends invite Tony to their club for a round of golf. As they talk about the stock market and other issues, Tony appears uncomfortable. He doesn’t try to fit in and feign interest in topics that are foreign to him. Nor is he willing to tell mob stories to entertain them; that too would be false, a way of ingratiating himself. Later, Tony reflects that he felt used by them and that he was simply invited for their amusement.
Many leaders today seem as if they’re taking on the role of leader rather than allowing their own natural leadership qualities to emerge. While they may be skilled at modeling the "five standard traits" of leaders or exhibiting the "eight characteristics" of the "new" leader, their act wears thin after a while. Sooner or later, people realize when someone isn’t allowing her true self to emerge. Being genuine means reacting instead of just acting, and Tony reacts in ways that at times aren’t flattering but demonstrate that he is being himself. For instance, at one point Tony becomes upset with Dr. Melfi when she charges him for a missed appointment. He views this action as a sign that she looks at him as nothing more than a money machine and doesn’t really care about him as a person. Tony could have played it cool; he could have just pretended that he didn’t care she was charging him. Because he was genuinely hurt by her billing him, though, he reacts with righteous indignation. Though his reaction might make him appear cheap or, even worse, vulnerable to her opinion of him, he doesn’t care. He’s going to be genuine no matter what.
Here’s how you can use authenticity, competence, and confidence to add to your charisma:
- Review your actions from the past month for doubt and uncertainty. Use your office calendar to jog your memory; what you’re searching for are times when your actions or words betrayed your lack of confidence in yourself and others. Make a list of how you might have exhibited doubt to remind yourself not to turn yourself into the type of leader who appears indecisive and lost.
- Think about what you have to be confident about. Specifically, focus on your competencies. What are you good at? Are you a terrific speaker? Have you always been great at coming up with new ideas at a moment’s notice? Do you do a good job at building relationships and networking? To project a confident air, it helps to remind yourself occasionally that you do excel at specific things.
- Create a phony/genuine chart. In other words, on one side of a piece of paper list the common things you do or say that don’t reflect who you are. Here are three examples:
- Sucking up to your boss
- Pretending that the lousy research reports your direct reports give you are "pretty good"
- Making excuses to your staff about why you can’t go to ball games with them because you have other commitments
On the genuine side, write how you might act more authentically when this situation comes up again. Here are the three genuine responses to the three phony actions listed:
- Respectfully telling the boss that his "brilliant" new policy to increase accountability is actually a paperwork nightmare that will have his people cursing him until the day they die
- Confronting direct reports and explaining exactly why their research fails to cut the mustard
- Go to the ball games if you really feel like going, and if you don’t, telling your staff honestly why you don’t want to go