From the very first moment of Tony’s television existence when he is sitting in Dr. Melfi’s office, you are drawn to him. You sense immediately that there is something different about this man, both in terms of his physical strength and his strength of character. He fills a room, and people immediately notice him. Though his fat Cuban cigar is blowing smoke in everyone’s face, no one would even think of asking Tony to smoke it elsewhere. Though Tony is a big man and in the mob, these aren’t the only reasons people notice and respect him. It’s the style with which he carries himself, the way it reflects his inner fire and emotional intelligence. He manages to project his inner beliefs and passions outward in a clear and convincing fashion.
TONY ON ANALYZING A COMPETITIVE THREAT
"Richie doesn’t have the balls to make a move against me."
His inner qualities emerge in various ways: the twinkle in his eyes when he finds something amusing, the deeply soulful look when he’s empathizing, the aggressive body language when he’s angry, and the clipped, staccato manner of speaking when he wants to make a key point. Tony doesn’t do all this consciously. He’s a rare "natural" leader, able to project his authentic self with great conviction and power. Tony’s authentic self is contradictory. As the previous list of inner qualities suggests, he can be tough and soft, brutal and kind, ignorant and insightful.
Most people hide who they are, and this prevents the full strength of their character from emerging. Most individuals who harbor these contradictory impulses attempt to mute one side or both sides of themselves. If they’re in leadership positions, they may not want to appear too empathetic for fear they’ll be taken advantage of. They may also not want to be too outspoken or forceful for fear of turning people off.
Tony, though, embraces his contradictions. He’s mature and childlike, strong and sensitive, accepting and prejudiced. The image of him walking down the driveway in his ratty bathrobe, unshaven and sloppy-looking, does not seem to mesh with the man who fought off two hit men with his bare hands. The man who cried when the ducks flew south for the winter doesn’t jibe with the man who almost ran a deadbeat gambler over with his car in the parking lot of his office. Tony has an air of intrigue about him because of these contradictions, and people sense that he’s someone special because of them.
I’m not suggesting that you should develop a contradictory style. You can, however, allow who you are and what you believe to shine through. The dictionary defines charisma as that special quality that gives an individual influence, charm, or inspiration over large numbers of people. If you learn how to communicate your special quality to others—as opposed to acting the part of a leader—then you can develop a certain amount of influence, charm, and inspiration. This doesn’t mean all heads will turn toward you when you enter a room or you’ll become a celebrity CEO who regularly appears on the covers of business magazines. What this means is that you can work at developing an authenticity as a leader that will enhance your career and your effectiveness.