With leadership comes power, but not all leaders are comfortable with this power or understand how to use it. Some abuse their power by humiliating direct reports or treating vendors with a cavalier disregard. Others are so cowed by it that they never use it at all, pretending they’re just like everyone else. In either case, they never benefit from the charisma that comes to leaders comfortable with their power.
Tony is comfortable with his power. Certainly, at times he abuses it, but most of the time, it fits him like a glove. While he needs his power, he doesn’t let it dominate him. He respects his own power without fearing it. And he always reminds his people—sometimes in subtle ways—that the power is his. Even when he is with his guys eating a plate of macaroni, he always sits at the head of the table. At a crowded restaurant, the thought of waiting for a table never enters his mind. Tony tailors his use of power to fit the situation. Sometimes, he’ll use it to put people in their place. In every interaction with Vin, the "degenerate gambler" police detective, Tony treats him with a barely disguised disdain. In one scene after Vin has given Tony information on Dr. Melfi’s movements (Tony was not sure if she might be working for the Feds), Tony is carrying a box of macaroons. Vin asks him what is in the box and requests a cookie. Tony pauses, not immediately giving him one. This simple gesture says a lot. Tony sees him as weak and does not respect weakness. When the FBI comes with a search warrant to his home, Tony retains his powerful demeanor. When one of the agents breaks a bowl he took from the refrigerator, Tony orders him to clean it up.
TONY ON ACCEPTING LEADERSHIP RESPONSIBILITY
"I’m the one who calls the shots."
Tony also never lingers at a meeting; he speaks his piece and then leaves. He gives you his undivided attention, accomplishes the task but never acts as if his power is so insecure that he must oversee the meeting or that he has to be like everyone else and stay because his power makes him uncomfortable. His quick exits from meetings convey that he has other important matters to attend to, that you may have the luxury of engaging in chitchat but he does not.
Tony is not always subtle about letting others know he’s in charge, especially if they seem to forget this fact or disrespect him. For example, he never passed up an opportunity to taunt Junior’s driver and consigliere, Mikey Palmice. After a few runins with him, Tony finally beats him up and then uses a staple gun to indelibly imprint the lesson of who’s in charge. This is Junior’s right-hand man, but Tony doesn’t hesitate to put him in his place; Tony is powerful enough that he doesn’t fear the consequences.
It’s also important to note that Tony doesn’t squander his power. He recognizes that sometimes it makes more sense to use influence rather than brute force. It would be easy for Tony to use his clout to undermine Junior. Instead, he recognizes it’s wiser to treat Junior as an equal than as someone who is beneath him. To keep peace in the family, therefore, he perpetuates the illusion that Junior is in charge. When Junior wants to tax Hesh, Tony works with Johnny Sack to arrange the sit-down with Junior and Hesh but makes it appear as though Johnny Sack is calling the shots. It saves Hesh money, makes it clear to Johnny who is in charge, and retains Junior as the figurehead. When Hesh and others complain to Tony that Junior isn’t spreading around the take, Tony speaks to Junior and remedies the situation. What Tony does not do, however, is tell everyone that he was responsible for achieving this goal. He lets it go unsaid, and the fact that he doesn’t have to brag about it testifies to his power.
Finally, Tony radiates the aura of power by dealing only with his equals. When he meets with Teittleman, the Hasidic Jew, Teittleman asks for Tony’s help in securing his daughter’s divorce, and Tony shows Teittleman respect by asking him to call him by his first name and by being empathetic about his daughter’s situation. When Teittleman’s son tries to speak to Tony, though, Tony ignores him. Similarly, when Tony goes to Italy to arrange a deal with his "brethren" there, he makes it clear that he will deal only with the "big boss." When he discovers that the big boss is Annalisa—all the men are in jail—he is at first taken aback but soon shows her the respect due an equal.
Here are two ways you can be a powerful leader in the best sense of that word:
Analyze your power comfort level by answering the following questions:
- Do you feel the need to constantly remind people you’re in charge?
- Do you worry that peers will think you’re a powercrazed jerk and therefore do everything possible to pretend you’re their peer?
- Do you use your power selectively and strategically; do you wait for the right moment and the right situation to flex your muscles?
- Can you get people to pay attention to you without raising your voice or doing anything else out of the ordinary?
- When someone disrespects your position or tries to usurp some of your power, do you make sure he understands he’s made a mistake?
Create a list of ways you can show people your power without being obvious or obnoxious about it. One example is the way Tony never lingers at meetings. Another example might be communicating only with people on your level when important alliances or deals are being discussed. Another possibility might involve correcting someone who directly or indirectly challenges your authority (rather than letting it slide).